Invalidation – Silent and Destructive
Invalidation is a silent pandemic. People with conditions, illnesses, and disabilities of all kinds are subject to rampant invalidation, sometimes from all sides. In many cases, even the people who do or claim to care about an individual can invalidate them regularly. And they often don’t realize they are doing it. But we don’t talk about it. Those who feel invalidated often don’t feel comfortable or safe speaking up. Some believe the invalidating statements to be true. But when someone does bring it up to the invalidators, it doesn’t always go well. Over the years I have faced invalidation in many forms and from many people, but the most invalidation I have faced personally is connected to my mental and brain illnesses.
Welcome to the Invalidation Super Store
I am the shopkeeper of the Invalidation Super Store – a TikTok video series that started with a humorous look at invalidation in schizophrenia and took off. In each video, I play both the customer shopping for invalidating statements as well as the shopkeeper, describing each package deal. At this point, I have a list of requests a mile long with everything from mental illnesses to abuse, disabilities, chronic illnesses, and even gender identity. These videos are accompanied by tens of thousands of comments from people who feel seen, and, well, validated by this. They feel seen because I see the impact and the pain that their invalidation causes. In my life with schizoaffective disorder, I face invalidation regularly. Most of it is related to the fact that I do fairly well despite my illness. My invalidation comes in both questions and statements and is spouted even by doctors.
“Do you really need to take meds?”
Yes. Yes, I do. But this kind of question has had me considering stopping them just to make sure on many occasions.
“You’re too high functioning to have schizoaffective disorder.”
Thank you, doctor who has known me for less than ten minutes. Please explain this to my psychosis and the way it fits the pattern of schizoaffective disorder to a tee. And thank you for making me question whether or not I’ve made the whole thing up.
“You’re lucky you don’t have symptoms like *insert intense symptom here.*”
I think this one often comes labeled as reassurance, but it is severely mislabeled if that is the case.
Invalidation is more than just hurting someone’s feelings.
Invalidating statements and questions make me feel like my experiences aren’t good enough and I haven’t suffered enough to be looked at as someone who has truly overcome immense challenges. I am often genuinely surprised when people are shocked by descriptions of my symptoms. The number of times I have questioned whether or not I made the whole thing up is far beyond what I can count.
And it is not just those who function highly who are subjected to this.
People living with psychosis and severe mental illness who are unable to get the care that they need or for whom treatment hasn’t worked are just as capable of being invalidated. I can only imagine the damage it does to be told or treated as though your illness or your circumstances are your fault. Or to be treated like you are a lower level of human, if human at all. And to have it made clear that the majority of society doesn’t care about you. How are you supposed to stand up and fight for what you need when you have not just your illness, but also the idea that you don’t deserve help dragging you down? And for those who suffer from anosognosia and are unaware of their illness, invalidation might even support that damaged part of the brain convincing them that they are not ill.
Invalidation can have serious repercussions.
I remember standing in a parking lot summer heat, drenched by the floodlights at night. I clung to my phone as my doctor debated whether or not to find a bed for me at a hospital. My knees were sore from walking on pavement in bad shoes. I didn’t want to go back to my apartment, because I knew what I wanted to do and I was afraid. But others had made me feel “crazy.” It felt like no one could understand why I couldn’t just get over the fact that I suddenly had to face my trauma every time I left my apartment. They meant well, but their words cut deep.
It’s not always easy to stand up for yourself against invalidation.
Sometimes invalidation makes me livid. But a small part of me is hurt even if I push back. There is still a part of me that questions things. Maybe that’s unique to me, but, from scrolling the comments on the “Invalidation Super Store” videos, I know that many others fear confrontation or even further invalidation if they were to speak up as well. Some have even tried. People have even shared those videos with the people who are invalidating them in an attempt to help them understand.
I know that most people don’t mean to be invalidating.
I know you are trying. And I know that, whether it is with psychosis or something else, you are probably in a situation where you aren’t able to fully understand what the other person is going through. I wish I had a magic fix so no one would ever unintentionally invalidate others again, but I don’t. The best advice I can give is to watch the response you receive. Be open to feedback on what you say. And maybe try to learn more about what they are experiencing. Invalidation will never cease to exist. But we can do our best to minimize it.
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