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5 Things That Help Me When I’m Experiencing Psychosis
Schizoaffective disorder is a rollercoaster. An illness on the schizophrenia spectrum, it is a cocktail of mood symptoms and psychosis that’s well shaken and then lit on fire. Despite taking medications and being in therapy, I do still experience symptoms sometimes, including symptoms of psychosis like hallucinations. And when I’m fighting my way through a sea of psychosis, I don’t expect people to know what to do. For a very long time, I didn’t know what to do either. I spent years bracing myself through my symptoms as I waited for medication adjustments to take effect. But with every episode of psychosis that I’ve endured, I’ve learned new things about…
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Invalidation – Silent and Destructive
Invalidation is a silent pandemic. People with conditions, illnesses, and disabilities of all kinds are subject to rampant invalidation, sometimes from all sides. In many cases, even the people who do or claim to care about an individual can invalidate them regularly. And they often don’t realize they are doing it. But we don’t talk about it. Those who feel invalidated often don’t feel comfortable or safe speaking up. Some believe the invalidating statements to be true. But when someone does bring it up to the invalidators, it doesn’t always go well. Over the years I have faced invalidation in many forms and from many people, but the most invalidation…
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How She Helped Me – Small Things, Big Impact
To the coworker who helped me when I had a hallucination at work, thank you. When I told you I had a weird question and I didn’t know how to ask, you gave me your full attention. No discomfort, no judgement, you listened. You listened to me say that I had been sitting at my desk working and heard the sound of scratching from the inside of the server room door and I didn’t know if it was real or all in my head. Only a select few people in the office know that I have schizoaffective disorder, including you. But I had never approached anyone in the office with…
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To my friend living with psychosis,
Hey, you – you transitioning out of that facility; you sitting at home; you still figuring out your next move; and you who feels like there’s no hope and no one understands. My friend, this letter is for you. My name is Katie, and though I may not have been through the exact same things you have, I get it. I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder since I was 17. I’ve taken handfuls of meds, done countless hours of therapy, and lost parts of my life to my disorder. And I’m here to tell you that there is hope for things to get better. Life might feel impossible right now.…
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Alone With Schizoaffective Disorder – My Fears, Experiences, and How I Cope
As I closed the door, I could feel the flutter in my stomach. The timer has started. I am alone. With my cat and my dog, I guess I’m not entirely alone, but it’s not the same as having a person with me. There’s frustration – though this month will find me alone more often than not, it’s just a few days at a time. I’ve lived alone for as much as two years at a time. Yet, despite my frustration and against reason, there is a part of me that is afraid. It’s not a fear of others, but rather, a fear of myself. Being alone is one thing,…
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How My Brain Works After Schizoaffective Disorder
At 17, I was a problem solver. I was an academic thinker who thrived on logic puzzles and complex literature. Creativity was a second language – drawing, acting, photography, and stream-of-consciousness free writes wrapped up in metaphors. Whether or not I was any good at them didn’t matter; the ideas and motivation just flowed naturally. Outside of undiagnosed depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), my brain was efficient and extremely sharp. Each of my mental illnesses has had its impact on my mental functioning, but with the onset of schizoaffective disorder, things took a sharp turn. Though my passions and other areas of interest remain the same, my brain works differently…
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5 Of The Best Things Anyone Has Ever Done For Me And My Schizoaffective Disorder
It’s normal to feel lost when it comes to how to help someone with schizoaffective disorder or schizophrenia. Even if you’re the person living with it, you may not always know what to ask for or even how to ask. But that’s okay. Unless you’ve been through this before, there’s no reason you would know what to do. And, while those of us living with psychosis may have some of the same or similar symptoms, these illnesses are highly personal and what works for one person may not work for another. But to help you come up with things that will help you or your loved one, in no particular…
- Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Perfectionism, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Our Relationship – Navigating Life Together With My Mental Illnesses
I’ll be honest, I’m difficult to live with. My obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) has me hyper schedule and detail-oriented. My anxiety makes me clingy at times. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) turns a relationship into a mine field of intrusive memories. And schizoaffective disorder is always throwing out curveballs like depression and hallucinations out of nowhere. But despite all of my symptoms and the issues that go along with them, my boyfriend, James, has stuck around for four years. Honestly, at one point, I wasn’t sure anyone ever would. With my colorful cocktail of disorders, I know my actions and behaviors can be difficult to understand. James and I knew each other…
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Childhood Depression – Growing Up in a World of Grey
Trigger Warning: Discussion of dark thoughts, childhood suicidal ideation and intent, and self-harm Summer hung heavy in the air, but a light breeze ruffled my hair as I stood outside at my school and stared at the road. It wasn’t particularly busy, but the cars would fly by despite the school zone signs. At ten-years-old, I stood there thinking that, if I timed it right, I could walk out there and it would all be over. A friend came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder and asked me a question. Her words went right past me as I whipped around. I looked at her with wide…
- Advocacy, Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Help, Hypocrisy, and What it Took for Me To Ask
I shocked my psychiatrist recently. I have never seen her more surprised than when I asked, “do you think a third session every week would be helpful?” It took her a moment to process. “yes,” she said, “I think it would.” Today she explained her surprise. In the nearly 8 years she’s been working with me, I’ve done just about everything to avoid asking for help. And suddenly, I am determined to get it. Let me give you some background My childhood and teen years were spent trying to convince myself that my obsessive-compulsive disorder was quirkiness and that I was being overdramatic by thinking I was suffering from depression.…
