To my friend living with psychosis,
Hey, you – you transitioning out of that facility; you sitting at home; you still figuring out your next move; and you who feels like there’s no hope and no one understands. My friend, this letter is for you.
My name is Katie, and though I may not have been through the exact same things you have, I get it.
I’ve been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder since I was 17. I’ve taken handfuls of meds, done countless hours of therapy, and lost parts of my life to my disorder. And I’m here to tell you that there is hope for things to get better.
Life might feel impossible right now. Or at least moving forward in it.
No matter what you’re going through right now, keep that head up high, my friend. You can do this. Whether you’ve just been diagnosed, you’re transitioning to a new situation, or you just feel stuck, I promise you, your life is not over. This is just a new chapter. I know it sounds like some cheesy line, but it really is true.
First, you deserve some congratulations for making it this far.
I may not have lived your exact experiences, but I can understand how hard it must have been. And despite it all, you’re here. You’re putting the pieces back together. You’re living your life. That’s huge!
Whether you believe in yourself or not, I believe in you.
Stick to your treatment plan, but don’t be afraid to speak up if it’s not making a difference. Be open to help from friends and family if it would be beneficial, even if your illness is telling you not to. And do things that make you happy.
Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of those things that make us happy when reality is crumbling around you. But what do you enjoy? Is it art? The outdoors? Video games? Reading? Tell me about it. What makes it fun? What’s your favorite part? How can you incorporate it into your life to make even dark days brighter?
On the days when it doesn’t help, make a note of it.
Tell your doctor or even one of your supporters if things don’t feel right. You don’t need to keep those moments or those days to yourself. Those who love and support you want to know so they can help. I know sometimes symptoms tell us otherwise, but try to fight it. Write down all the reasons the voices and people and creatures are wrong. And remember that it is okay to ask for help and you are not a burden on anyone by doing so.
Speaking of help, what helps you?
For me it’s all sorts of things – medication and therapy help me, but so does being around my loved ones, taking time to breathe and gather myself together in a quiet place, my weighted stuffed llama (adults can have stuffed animals too!), my big dog, Moose, and also music. If you aren’t sure what helps you, ask around for what helps others. Some of it may not be your cup of tea, but you never know. Maybe you’ll find something really helpful.
Sometimes it helps me to talk about what I’ve been through.
Getting it off my chest takes a weight off my shoulders at the same time. It’s hard sometimes though. There are certain things that are hard to share because I don’t want to hurt people or make them feel bad that I was struggling so much and they didn’t know or couldn’t help.
It’s okay to keep those things quiet until you feel ready to talk about them to everyone. But find someone you trust enough to tell, a therapist or maybe a close friend. Talking to animals or writing things down in a journal are good options too, but it’s still important to share it with someone who supports you, even if it’s in writing if that’s easier for you. In my experience, the more I keep things locked inside, the more they eat away at me and mess with my head. Nothing good has ever come from me keeping everything to myself.
Please know that you are a not a problem.
My friend, believe me when I say that you are not a pariah or a stain on humanity. I don’t care what people think or say, never forget that you are human. You are a person living with a disease. And your life is just as important as anyone else’s.
Our illnesses sometimes manipulate us and make us do and say things that we wouldn’t normally do. You weren’t you when you were really sick. But it was out of your control. Please try to forgive yourself, my friend, though I know that’s easier said than done.
Here’s the hard part, things might get bad again.
Unfortunately, that’s true for anyone living with an illness like schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, or another disorder involving psychosis. Know that if things go downhill, it happens – it’s not just you. My ability to function and the severity of my symptoms have fluctuated many times over the years. As much as it sucks, it is a part of these illnesses. But here’s what I don’t want you to forget: just as things on this cycle go back down, they will come back up.
A downward slide isn’t the end.
A backslide is not a point where you should give up. Listen to your supporters, listen to me, listen to that part of your heart that knows you can do this. Because the truth is, you’ve got so much of your life left to live. There’s a good chance you’ll struggle, we all do, but with the right help, you will get there. And you will live your life again.
Here’s to you, my friend. You live with a life-changing disease and you’re still here. You’re still fighting. You are amazing.
Sincerely,
Katie
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2 Comments
Keshia
I find this letter to be beautifully written. I love that you are open about your story and are an advocate for others learning how to live with psychosis. I just found your blog today, but I am looking forward to reading more from you in the future!
Katie
Thank you so much!