Hallucinations,  Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

Reality Checking

Two men talking in the forest

During a question and answer session after myself and another speaker shared our stories to educate sheriff officers during Crisis Intervention Training, one of the officers brought up that he has a friend with schizophrenia and his friend will sometimes ask him if he heard or saw something, which is a tool many of us refer to as reality checking. The officer continued, saying he was usually able to confirm the experience as real, but then he asked, “what do I do if it isn’t real?” I cannot stress enough how important this question is, and I have the feeling this is a question many people have, and may or may not feel comfortable asking.

Why It’s Important

I want to start by explaining reality checking from the perspective of the person asking if something is real. It can take time to find someone you feel comfortable asking that question. It has to be someone who knows about your diagnosis, and someone you really trust to not look at you like you’re a freak when you ask the question. Reality checking is incredibly helpful to people like me; it alleviates a lot of fear and anxiety.  I even ask the question on things I’m pretty sure are real just to have that confirmation that I’m safe and well and stable.

How To Answer The Question

Now, how to answer the question – first, if it is real. Don’t just brush it off; don’t make us feel like we’re stupid for asking the question in the first place. A simple “yes, I see/hear it” works great. If it isn’t real, there are some do’s and don’ts. Don’t freak out; we’re asking you because we need support, not to feel even crazier than we may already feel. Don’t belittle us for it, we know something may be wrong; we don’t need it shoved in our faces. Don’t challenge us on it. We were sure enough that we thought it was worth asking, we don’t need an interrogation. Most importantly, do not ever lie to try to make us feel better.

Be Compassionate

It’s important that you give an honest answer, but keep it simple. Do follow your answer with support. I find that often people with mental illness who are reaching out to a friend are looking to either talk about it or seek a positive distraction. Recognize that we’re dealing with something incredibly stressful. An answer could be along the lines of “I don’t see it, but I know you’re going through a lot right now. If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you, but if you don’t want to think about it right now, let’s go do something to get your mind off of it.”

If your friend doesn’t want to talk about it, there are any number of options for distraction. You could go for a walk, play with pets, color, go grab some food, see a movie, watch TV, and the internet is, of course, a goldmine for silly memes and videos.  Completing simple tasks like crafts, baking basic recipes, or putting together IKEA furniture can be great distractions as well.

Your Support Matters

I know it can be uncomfortable having to say that you don’t see or hear whatever it may be, but honesty really is far more helpful than lies. You telling me you do see it when you don’t could mean that I don’t register it as a symptom, and, if it is a symptom, it’s important that I know. I need to know the true status of my mental health so that I can seek psychiatric help.

If I’m having symptoms and I don’t know it, that’s one really slippery slope that could be avoided if I were able to tell my doctor I’m experiencing hallucinations. But on top of the psychiatric support, we will always need the support of friends as well; that’s something no doctor can offer. That’s why we asked you the question, and that’s why we’re grateful that you are there for us and are willing to answer.



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