• Advocacy,  Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    What I didn’t have to give up because of schizoaffective disorder

    It’s all gone. That’s what I thought when I received my schizophrenia diagnosis, later updated to schizoaffective disorder. In my head, I watched everything I’d wanted and planned go up in flames. At first, I was resigned to it. But, over a year later, mental health advocacy caught my eye and I took up the chant that a diagnosis on the schizophrenia spectrum is not a death sentence. And, though I stand by that, I think mental health advocacy, at least when it comes to severe mental illness, misses some things. This illness isn’t my fault, but I still felt like, by having it, I had to give certain things…

  • Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    Social Skills, Schizoaffective Disorder, and Accepting My Needs

    “Please.” I twist the word in my mind, stretching it, arcing it, and wringing out every drop of meaning. I never thought I would be learning social skills at 31. I turn “please” and the other words in that sentence of my coworker’s email over and over in my head, playing them in different tones of voice, picturing what it might look like in person. Would her face look like it does when I know she’s happy? And what if I can’t decide what feeling I think is behind it?  I can’t always peer inside your mind the way other people can. Though not due to lack of empathy, identifying…

  • Anxiety

    Social Anxiety – An Open Letter

    Dear friend, You are not alone in your social anxiety. I see your struggle behind that smile that fools so many. I see how badly you wish it would stop. Maybe you wonder what’s wrong with you – things that are easy for others might feel panic inducing to you. Social anxiety comes in countless sizes, shapes, and colors, but whatever version resides in your chest, I see you, I feel for you, and I am right there with you. As a child, I was painfully shy. Chances are, if I didn’t know you, I wouldn’t talk to you. Tears would crowd my eyes as I stood in a room…