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Life with Schizoaffective Disorder – the Quiet Changes
Schizophrenia is not all hallucinations and delusions. There is a quieter suffering. Here is how the shame and self-doubt impacted my life.
- Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Perfectionism, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder
The Let Down – A dangerous place for mental illness
At the end of a stressful event or series of events, whether good or bad, comes the let down. I’m the type of person who will put my head down and try (not always successfully) to power through a situation. I give it my all, draining myself of energy, emotion, and strength. But once I’ve given every ounce of my mind, body, and soul, I feel like I have nothing left. The emptiness aches so much that it welcomes all of the thoughts and feelings I fight to keep at bay. The let down is a dangerous place for me. When there is nothing left of a situation to push…
- Advocacy, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Accepting Mental Illness in Real Life
If someone having visible symptoms of a mental illness makes you uncomfortable, the solution is not for them to stop. Society needs to learn to be accepting of mental illness in more than just theory. And this doesn’t only hold true for mental health. People with illnesses and disabilities of all kinds face this kind of stigma. I’ve been on both sides. I remember sitting on the L train in Chicago one evening with a friend. Across the aisle, a gentleman who had been muttering to himself began to hit himself on his forehead repeatedly. It made me uncomfortable because I didn’t know how to respond. Do I intervene? Would…
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How I Self-Medicated Without Drugs and Alcohol
I was once asked if I self-medicated after the onset of my mental illness. The answer? Yes, but not with drugs or alcohol. It wasn’t my clarity or control over my mind that bothered me the most when schizoaffective disorder hit me like a bus. I wasn’t ready to deal with those yet. What I mourned the most was the loss of the ease of academics, the ability to eat anything but stay skinny, and some level of innate athletic ability – the things that others could see. I felt robbed. It felt like I was worth less without those things. And since then, they’ve held roles as both ways…
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Schizophrenia – Taking the power from the word
For a very long time, I lived in a cloud of shame and fear brought on by my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. I made my parents promise not to share it with my extended family. For a bit, I even kept my diagnosis from my brother, who was away at college. By the end of the first year with my disorder, less than 20 people knew, including my parents and doctors. I was so afraid of the power of the word schizophrenia. Fighting the fear I was afraid that the word alone would make people see me in a different light. Could it wash away years of friendship? What did…
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There’s more to the story of schizoaffective disorder than I like to say
I didn’t realize I was avoiding it Over the last two weeks, I’ve come to realize something – the farther from my last severe episode of schizoaffective disorder I get, the less detail I share about the symptoms. I speak about it now more than ever, but I tend to gloss over the symptoms and focus on stigma, treatment, and mostly overcoming things. Proof that people aren’t alone and that it’s possible to live a full life despite severe mental illness and all the trials and tribulations related to it. But that’s not really the whole story of schizoaffective disorder. Not that that isn’t important Not that it isn’t important…
