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Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) – more than just perfectionism
It was a yes and then a maybe and then a firm yes and I added obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) to my list of mental health issues. At first, it was a relief to know that my preoccupation with order, need to follow rules, and desperate pursuit of perfectionism were not just me overreacting, they are symptoms of a very real disorder. After that, I felt like a child having a tantrum, internally banging the ground screaming, “I don’t want it!” In time, I mostly came to terms with it and cautiously began sharing my new diagnosis. But my explanations, particularly regarding the perfectionism that is involved, were often dismissed…
- Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Perfectionism, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder
A New Home – Real Estate, Mental Illness, and a Major Milestone
I’ve been having trouble writing lately. Well, I’ve been having trouble keeping up with a lot of things. My boyfriend and I are looking at buying a home. And even though it’s a good thing and we’re thrilled and grateful to have this opportunity, sometimes good things are still incredibly stressful. My schizoaffective disorder, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), severe anxiety surrounding perfectionism, and newly diagnosed panic disorder are always a part of my daily life, but right now the stress amplifies all of them. My head feels busy – like a hive full of bees. Thoughts buzz and shift, but there is not enough room for…
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The Right to Feel – How I Stopped Blaming Myself for My Mental Illness
I’ve felt like I don’t have a right to be as broken as I am. I grew up with a loving family. We weren’t wealthy, but I never wanted for necessities. Growing up, the largest trauma I thought I faced was my parents’ amicable divorce. My mom moved several times, remarried, and my brother and I had to change elementary schools, but I actually preferred the new school. I can’t look back and spot significant hardship until high school. Lately, I argue with my psychiatrist – that others have had it worse. That I don’t have a right to feel this emotional turmoil. Yes, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder…
- Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Mental Illness Stole my Identity – Stories from Recovery
I never thought that I tied my identity to my mental illnesses. I’m more than schizoaffective disorder. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is just something I live with. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) doesn’t define me. And depression and anxiety are a battle, not my identity. I convinced myself that I am my own true self. But after 13 years of therapy, I’m realizing that I have no idea who I am at all. And it’s nearly ground my recovery to a halt. I preached that I am not my illnesses. I am a person, not a diagnosis. But as we dig into the deepest darkest parts of my mind, I’m realizing that…
- Advocacy, Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
The Right Term – Sensitive, Supportive, and Entirely Personal
Trigger Warning: Talk of Rape/Sexual Assault and Suicide In our efforts to be respectful, caring, and politically correct, we sometimes miss our own biases creeping in, though in a different way. We forget that not everyone thinks the same way, whether you share diagnoses or experiences or not. And in the process, we may be hindering the recovery and growth of others. From organizations and media, we learn the “appropriate” terms and ways to talk to people. But have you ever stopped and wondered if that’s what the individuals want? Person-first vs. identity-first language I am a person with schizoaffective disorder. Advocacy told me that I am not a schizoaffective,…
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The Impact of my Illnesses on my Significant Other
Meet James. He’s a hardware and software engineer from the same area of California that I’m from. We met back in high school and didn’t really like each other. But 8 years after I moved to Illinois, we reconnected through Facebook. Now he lives with me in Illinois and we’ve been dating for 3 1/2 years. His support is vital to me, and he regularly supports me through symptoms and setbacks related to my obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and schizoaffective disorder. Typically on this blog, you hear my perspective. To give you a fuller idea of the impact my illnesses have on those around me, here is…
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My Experience with Mental Illness in the Workplace
In college, I interviewed for a position in the lab of a professor at my university. I eagerly explained that part of why I was interested in his work and the role was because of my personal experience with schizoaffective disorder. He gently advised me that my diagnosis was something I should keep closer to my chest in job interviews. At the time, I was almost offended. I’m out here trying to break stigma. How can I do that if I’m not open about it? But, over the years, I’ve come to understand why he said that. At this point in my life, I’ve been through several jobs in some…
- Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Medication, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Preparedness for people with mental illnesses
It can be hard to feel prepared for anything when you’ve got a mental health disorder. Below is a list of things that I’ve done to prepare myself for events ranging from forgetting the details of my medications to the possibility of being unable to make decisions for myself. Keep a list of medications with important personal information I take many medications for both mental and physical issues daily, but it was hard to keep track of them. To make that easier, I started carrying a list with me in my wallet. This way, when doctors asked about my medication, I could just give them the list. It turned out…
- Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
What does recovery mean?
What does recovery mean in terms of mental health? And what does it mean to be recovered from a mental illness? Are there still meds involved? Are you free and clear? Will it last forever? Throughout my time in mental health advocacy, I’ve heard a lot of people talk about recovery, and, while I do feel like the way the term “full recovery” is used is sometimes misleading, what I’ve learned is that recovery is very personal in both the process and the meaning. I hadn’t really thought about it before When I attended training at the Chicago chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness to be a Crisis…
- Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, PTSD, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Mental illness isn’t one size fits all
Any time you interact with someone with a mental health condition, there’s one very important thing to remember – as the stereotypes you know from movies and media start creeping into your view of them, remember that everyone is different and mental illness isn’t one size fits all. You know how some people are tall and some people are short? Or how some people have blonde hair and others have brown? Guess what – mental illness is the same way! Sure, some people have those stereotypical symptoms, but a lot of people don’t, and that doesn’t mean they aren’t truly experiencing it or don’t fall under the same class of…