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How My Brain Works After Schizoaffective Disorder
At 17, I was a problem solver. I was an academic thinker who thrived on logic puzzles and complex literature. Creativity was a second language – drawing, acting, photography, and stream-of-consciousness free writes wrapped up in metaphors. Whether or not I was any good at them didn’t matter; the ideas and motivation just flowed naturally. Outside of undiagnosed depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), my brain was efficient and extremely sharp. Each of my mental illnesses has had its impact on my mental functioning, but with the onset of schizoaffective disorder, things took a sharp turn. Though my passions and other areas of interest remain the same, my brain works differently…
- Advocacy, Anxiety, Cognitive Symptoms, Depression, Medication, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
A year in my life with mental illness – 2020
2020 came at us with teeth. But as we rapidly approach the end of the year, which is also my 30th birthday, I’m beginning to reflect on this past year. For the United States and the world as a whole, it’s been a tumultuous year full of some high points, but many lows. Personally, there have been some bold highlights, but also deep lows. My mental health is always something of a struggle, but I was unprepared for what this year would bring. Things don’t always work out like you expect. This year started with a job change that I thought was going to be perfect. And while there have…
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A letter to myself on the day of my diagnosis
8/5/2020 I know your mind is spinning right now. It’s August 5, 2008 and the words, “it’s looking to be schizophrenia,” are turning over and over in your head. You won’t ever forget the tone in her voice when she said it or her red nails. This day feels like the end of everything you’ve ever known, but it’s actually just the beginning of something entirely new. Your diagnosis will ultimately be updated to schizoaffective disorder, and you will struggle at first – with understanding your disorder, with the symptoms, the medication, and also the constant anxiety of being found out. But contrary to what you believe, those close to you will…
- Adapting to life with schizoaffective disorder, Cognitive Symptoms, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Adapting to life with schizoaffective disorder (part 4) – cognitive issues
In the beginning of my senior year of high school, I found myself sitting at my desk in AP Calculus staring at the result of my test. D. How did this happen? I studied harder. C-. I broke out the flash cards, had friends help me study, but I could not do it. It felt like it didn’t matter what I did, I couldn’t reliably remember the formulas. For someone who was used to straight A’s, this was like a blow to the gut. No one had told me that schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder came with cognitive deficits. Before then, academics had always come easily to me. At the time…
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Life as a high functioning person with schizoaffective disorder
There are a few different ways to define what high functioning means for someone with schizophrenia – the ability to work full-time or function as a stay-at-home caregiver or as a full-time student, good interpersonal skills and relationships, and just generally being able to function in society the majority of the time. Throughout the course of my life with schizoaffective disorder, I have always been considered high functioning. But high functioning doesn’t mean my life is normal or even symptom-free. There still may be symptoms Residual symptoms are common in people with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder even with medication and can occur frequently. For me, this occurs as disorganized thoughts…