{"id":491,"date":"2020-05-03T16:39:54","date_gmt":"2020-05-03T22:39:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/katiesanford.net\/wp\/?p=491"},"modified":"2020-10-24T20:06:44","modified_gmt":"2020-10-25T02:06:44","slug":"life-as-a-high-functioning-person-with-schizoaffective-disorder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/katiesanford.net\/wp\/2020\/05\/03\/life-as-a-high-functioning-person-with-schizoaffective-disorder\/","title":{"rendered":"Life as a high functioning person with schizoaffective disorder"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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There are a few different ways to define what high functioning means for someone with schizophrenia \u2013 the ability to work full-time or function as a stay-at-home caregiver or as a full-time student, good interpersonal skills and relationships, and just generally being able to function in society the majority of the time. Throughout the course of my life with schizoaffective disorder, I have always been considered high functioning. But high functioning doesn\u2019t mean my life is normal or even symptom-free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There still may be symptoms<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Residual symptoms are common in people with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder even with medication and can occur frequently. For me, this occurs as disorganized thoughts and cognitive issues pretty regularly. I\u2019ll feel like my thoughts get mixed up; my mind can bounce from topic to topic with tenuous connections; and sometimes I struggle with translating the words in my head into speech. I get anxious in social situations because I\u2019m afraid I\u2019ll say the wrong thing or say something that doesn\u2019t make sense and then people will think I\u2019m weird and not want to be around me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With the right amount of stress, I can also experience symptoms of depression as well as symptoms of psychosis like hallucinations. Right now, my stress level is high and I\u2019ve been seeing people watching me from the corner of my eye, seeing the cat that has been a recurring hallucination of mine since the beginning, hearing footsteps, and I felt a dog boop me with it\u2019s nose. In addition to any level of residual symptoms, there are also the weekly psychiatrist appointments, monthly trips to the pharmacy, handfuls of pills every day, and the bills that go along with all of it. My life is not like it was before the onset of my illness, and it never will be. In all honesty, there are times where I’ll feel bitter about it, but most of the time I’m just thankful that my treatment works as well as it does.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut you look fine\u201d<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

I am incredibly grateful for my ability to function highly, but it still comes with issues. I\u2019ve found that, just like with many other chronic illnesses, people often don\u2019t really understand that your life is different or that you may be struggling because, to them, you look perfectly fine. I’ve even been asked on multiple occasions what would happen if I stopped taking my medications because some people have a hard time believing I actually need them. There’s a lot of stigma attached to invisible illnesses, both physical and mental, because so many people don’t understand how much they actually affect daily life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Functioning while symptomatic<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

When I\u2019m not doing well and the more severe symptoms become frequent, my needs change. I often don\u2019t want to be alone during those times. When I am alone, I\u2019ll keep lights on, music playing, and utilize my service dog\u2019s tasks to help me feel at ease. I can become more sensitive, and little things might make me cry. Life becomes exhausting. It can take all of my energy just to get through the day because I\u2019m fighting to complete daily tasks despite my triggered emotions, disorganized thoughts, and hallucinations. Communication can feel draining as well; even just answering a text feels like a momentous effort. But to others, it may look like I\u2019m being overdramatic, lazy, or antisocial.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While most people have been happy to accommodate my needs when I\u2019m struggling, sometimes it’s still hard for them to understand. It doesn\u2019t always mean they don\u2019t care, they just may not know how to help when you don\u2019t necessarily look like you need help. I\u2019ve found that vocalizing what I\u2019m going through can help, but that can be difficult too. It can be embarrassing or feel like you\u2019re letting someone down when you tell them that, despite how it looks, things aren\u2019t okay right now. It can even feel like it\u2019s your fault when that isn\u2019t the case at all. People don\u2019t choose to be mentally ill. Nor do they choose the things that trigger their symptoms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The take away<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

If you have a chronic illness like schizophrenia, keep up with your treatment and try to let your loved ones know about what\u2019s happening in your life, as scary as that may seem. They might not always know how to help, but they may not know that you need support unless you tell them. Do your best to take care of yourself, but understand that it\u2019s okay if you need a higher level of care. Taking leave or being hospitalized does not mean you will never function highly again. And it does not negate the time that you\u2019ve been high functioning. Take it day by day. You can get through this, and it might be easier with the support of your loved ones.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For those with loved ones with schizophrenia, remember that just because you don\u2019t see the suffering doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s not there. If you know someone is experiencing symptoms, try to be sensitive to the fact that, while they continue to carry on in daily life, their needs may be different right now. And understand that your loved one may still need support even when the symptoms aren\u2019t active. But most importantly listen. Don\u2019t just brush it off because your loved one looks fine. Truly listen. While being high functioning with schizophrenia can be a huge achievement, it\u2019s not always rainbows and sunshine. But it\u2019s always worth fighting for, and it\u2019s hard to fight alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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