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When Words Escape Me – Schizoaffective Disorder And Written Communication
TW: Mention of suicidal thoughts If you knew me in high school, you would probably have seen me scribbling in a journal or adding another freewrite filled with metaphors to my binder. My computer is full of short notes, poems, essays, and stories. But at a certain point, they stop. The scrawled pages of my journal go blank. The files on my computer run out. With its onset, schizoaffective disorder stole the words from my mind. Words were more than communication or a hobby for me. Words were how I sorted out my thoughts and emotions and how I figured out who I was and who I wanted to be.…
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Dear Schizoaffective Disorder – Letters to My Illness
Dear schizoaffective disorder, You are the worst roommate I have ever had. You took up residency in my brain, but refuse to pay rent. I know there’s no evicting you. And I know you’ll probably never play by my rules, but we need to find a way to live together. Dear schizoaffective disorder, You’re a bully. You lie in wait until you see my edges fraying. Then you come at me, claws out. There is no valor in preying on the weak. And I can barely imagine the suffering of the people without effective treatment on whom you prey. Sometimes I fight back. But sometimes I don’t have the energy…
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If I had a second chance at my first year with schizoaffective disorder
Close your eyes for a moment. Think of a difficult time in your life. What do you feel? Do you feel like you did your best or do you have regrets? Or maybe a combination of both? If you had a second chance and could go back and change the decisions you made or the way you acted, would you? When my mind wanders back to my first year living with schizoaffective disorder, I think I did the best I thought I could. But I don’t think I made all the right choices. If I could go back to standing in 17-year-old me’s worn out converse shoes, there are some…