• Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    When Words Escape Me – Schizoaffective Disorder And Written Communication

    TW: Mention of suicidal thoughts If you knew me in high school, you would probably have seen me scribbling in a journal or adding another freewrite filled with metaphors to my binder. My computer is full of short notes, poems, essays, and stories. But at a certain point, they stop. The scrawled pages of my journal go blank. The files on my computer run out. With its onset, schizoaffective disorder stole the words from my mind. Words were more than communication or a hobby for me. Words were how I sorted out my thoughts and emotions and how I figured out who I was and who I wanted to be.…

  • Anxiety,  Depression,  Perfectionism,  Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder

    The Pressure of Perceived Expectations – Stories from Recovery

    Can you feel it? That crushing weight that moves so slowly, pressing you down against the ground, until it’s hard to breathe. Pressure is often the enemy of mental health, and it can come from anywhere – yourself, family, employers, teachers, and even people who aren’t intentionally putting pressure on you. My mind manufactures pressure dressed up in an endless number of ways. Expectations begin like icicles. It starts as just a drip. In high school, people expected me to do well simply because that was my pattern. Academics and athletics came easily, but I quickly began to feel as though it were my job to excel. But when the…