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Suppressed Feelings and Psychosis
My doctor once told me that I experience my feelings visually. By this, she meant the visual hallucinations I was experiencing at the time were manifestations of the feelings that I was either suppressing or struggling to resolve. But it’s not just visual hallucinations. For several weeks I’ve been experiencing recurring auditory hallucinations. During therapy my doctor again pointed out that these hallucinations are my feelings come to life. It’s not always obvious what they mean though. And there are some for which I have no explanation. Or maybe there’s an explanation and I just have yet to find it. There are others with psychosis who use the meanings behind…
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Life as a high functioning person with schizoaffective disorder
There are a few different ways to define what high functioning means for someone with schizophrenia – the ability to work full-time or function as a stay-at-home caregiver or as a full-time student, good interpersonal skills and relationships, and just generally being able to function in society the majority of the time. Throughout the course of my life with schizoaffective disorder, I have always been considered high functioning. But high functioning doesn’t mean my life is normal or even symptom-free. There still may be symptoms Residual symptoms are common in people with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder even with medication and can occur frequently. For me, this occurs as disorganized thoughts…
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The evolution of a diagnosis
You look “normal” To most people, I look “normal.” I’ve had countless people tell me that I don’t look like I have a mental illness, particularly one as severe as schizoaffective disorder. Sometimes they question what would actually happen if I stop taking my medications. I’ve even had two psychiatrists and an urgent care physician question my diagnosis before really listening to me and my story. What I’ve gathered from all of this is two things. First, the stereotype that all people with schizophrenia are bedraggled and screaming at things that aren’t there is, unfortunately, still alive and well (but we’ll cover that more in another post). Second, I’ve learned…