• Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    The Role of Emotional Dysregulation in My Life with Schizoaffective Disorder

    My emotions don’t make sense to me sometimes. They sound foreign – instructions for how to act and respond that are written in code. They build and crash down on me like a tidal wave. And someitmes I can’t even identify what they are. They warp and bend and dance until they all look the same to me, and I don’t like what I see. Even happiness and excitement can become overwhelming and trigger negative feelings or even symptoms for me until I want to scream. This emotional dysregulation has played a key part in my life with schizoaffective disorder, and, looking back, it’s been around long before my diagnosis.…

  • Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    Social Skills, Schizoaffective Disorder, and Accepting My Needs

    “Please.” I twist the word in my mind, stretching it, arcing it, and wringing out every drop of meaning. I never thought I would be learning social skills at 31. I turn “please” and the other words in that sentence of my coworker’s email over and over in my head, playing them in different tones of voice, picturing what it might look like in person. Would her face look like it does when I know she’s happy? And what if I can’t decide what feeling I think is behind it?  I can’t always peer inside your mind the way other people can. Though not due to lack of empathy, identifying…