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Alone With Schizoaffective Disorder – My Fears, Experiences, and How I Cope
As I closed the door, I could feel the flutter in my stomach. The timer has started. I am alone. With my cat and my dog, I guess I’m not entirely alone, but it’s not the same as having a person with me. There’s frustration – though this month will find me alone more often than not, it’s just a few days at a time. I’ve lived alone for as much as two years at a time. Yet, despite my frustration and against reason, there is a part of me that is afraid. It’s not a fear of others, but rather, a fear of myself. Being alone is one thing,…
- Anxiety, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Perfectionism, PTSD, Recovery, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
Our Relationship – Navigating Life Together With My Mental Illnesses
I’ll be honest, I’m difficult to live with. My obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) has me hyper schedule and detail-oriented. My anxiety makes me clingy at times. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) turns a relationship into a mine field of intrusive memories. And schizoaffective disorder is always throwing out curveballs like depression and hallucinations out of nowhere. But despite all of my symptoms and the issues that go along with them, my boyfriend, James, has stuck around for four years. Honestly, at one point, I wasn’t sure anyone ever would. With my colorful cocktail of disorders, I know my actions and behaviors can be difficult to understand. James and I knew each other…
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The Impact of my Illnesses on my Significant Other
Meet James. He’s a hardware and software engineer from the same area of California that I’m from. We met back in high school and didn’t really like each other. But 8 years after I moved to Illinois, we reconnected through Facebook. Now he lives with me in Illinois and we’ve been dating for 3 1/2 years. His support is vital to me, and he regularly supports me through symptoms and setbacks related to my obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and schizoaffective disorder. Typically on this blog, you hear my perspective. To give you a fuller idea of the impact my illnesses have on those around me, here is…
- A Day in the Life, Hallucinations, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, Schizophrenia
A Day in My Life with Schizoaffective disorder – Moving Day
It’s moving day – well, day 2. We spent the night in our new apartment. It’s still skeletal when it comes to furnishings. Bags and boxes litter the rooms, stacked on the furniture and the floor. Despite all of that, I already feel at home. I lean towards the mirror as I put on my makeup. It might seem strange to some that I would wear makeup when I’ll be spending my day lifting and carting around boxes, but, for me, makeup is a form of self-care. I don’t think I look awful without it, but I feel more secure when I’ve spent time taking care of myself. It’s not…