• Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    If I had a second chance at my first year with schizoaffective disorder

    Close your eyes for a moment. Think of a difficult time in your life. What do you feel? Do you feel like you did your best or do you have regrets? Or maybe a combination of both? If you had a second chance and could go back and change the decisions you made or the way you acted, would you? When my mind wanders back to my first year living with schizoaffective disorder, I think I did the best I thought I could. But I don’t think I made all the right choices. If I could go back to standing in 17-year-old me’s worn out converse shoes, there are some…

  • Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    I’m Fine – The Reasons I Resisted Inpatient Treatment

    When I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I was in therapy and prescribed medication. I felt like it was my fault. But I was terrified of my suicidal thoughts and self harm, so I mechanically took my medication every night. As my symptoms grew and changed, my medications did as well. By the time I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was already on an antipsychotic and a mood stabilizer. I wasn’t sure if they would solve all my problems, but the mechanical motion continued, as did my heavy steps to the therapist’s door. Had I experienced hallucinations prior to starting this regimen, I don’t know if I would have…