• Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    Let’s skip to the part of my life inside schizoaffective disorder

    Trigger Warning: Mention of self-harm and suicidal thoughts. Let’s skip to the part where we’re close friends – past the pleasantries and smiling faces. We’re in high school, sitting on the floor of my living room softly speaking about the realities of our lives. I would tell you about how I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. And that I felt safest with horses and my closest friends, but that neither had any power over my desire to self-harm or the way my thoughts wandered around the idea of taking my life, dragging toes, but always leaving the door open. Let’s skip to the part when things first turned.  At…

  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,  PTSD,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    The Impact of my Illnesses on my Significant Other

    Meet James. He’s a hardware and software engineer from the same area of California that I’m from. We met back in high school and didn’t really like each other. But 8 years after I moved to Illinois, we reconnected through Facebook. Now he lives with me in Illinois and we’ve been dating for 3 1/2 years. His support is vital to me, and he regularly supports me through symptoms and setbacks related to my obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and schizoaffective disorder. Typically on this blog, you hear my perspective. To give you a fuller idea of the impact my illnesses have on those around me, here is…

  • Anxiety,  Depression,  Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,  PTSD,  Recovery,  Schizoaffective Disorder,  Schizophrenia

    What do I want when I need support?

    What do I want when I’m not okay? How can you help me when I’m coming unraveled on the floor? What are you expected to do when my nerves are on fire and I can’t handle it? What are you supposed to say when I’m telling you I’m seeing something that you can’t see? How are you supposed to know what to do? Well, you aren’t. I spent years wanting someone to just know what I wanted and how to help me without me having to explain. But over the years I realized that I couldn’t expect others to know. Why would you know? Why would you know how to…