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Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) – more than just perfectionism
It was a yes and then a maybe and then a firm yes and I added obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) to my list of mental health issues. At first, it was a relief to know that my preoccupation with order, need to follow rules, and desperate pursuit of perfectionism were not just me overreacting, they are symptoms of a very real disorder. After that, I felt like a child having a tantrum, internally banging the ground screaming, “I don’t want it!” In time, I mostly came to terms with it and cautiously began sharing my new diagnosis. But my explanations, particularly regarding the perfectionism that is involved, were often dismissed…
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Irrational and Unreasonable – Why You Don’t Have To Understand My Anxiety
My fate is resting in my hands. If I make the wrong choice, my entire life could fall apart. My nerves chatter with anxiety and it wraps itself around my throat. I can’t make this decision. It’s too important and I’m sure I’ll make the wrong choice. So I turn to my boyfriend and ask the question – “Which of these shirts should I wear today?” It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? It is. It’s irrational. It’s unreasonable. And I am fully aware of that. Logically, I know that the world will not explode if I wear the wrong shirt. Is there even a right or wrong shirt for a Saturday…
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The Darker Side of Perfectionism
As I scroll social media on my phone, I see it all the time – “Love yourself!” “Self-care is not selfish!” Nobody’s Perfect!” To me, these messages are for others. Not because I’m against them in any way. Rather, it’s because I don’t feel capable of applying those things to myself. I want to love myself the way I am; I really do. And I create plans for better-self care, but can’t follow through. I don’t want to be perfect. But, according to my brain, I have no other option. I’m a perfectionist, but not the kind that strives for excellence and feels proud when they achieve it. No, the…