About Katie
I’ve struggled with mental illnesses as far back as I can remember.
My name is Katie Sanford, and from a young age, I found myself coming apart over making simple decisions and performing rituals like touching the wall a certain number of times. My obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) was born out of a need to control my world when I couldn’t otherwise. On top of the OCD, I also began struggling with depression at a very early age. Though they changed periodically throughout my life, these issues followed me as I grew up. But I never felt like I could talk about them.
That all changed in the summer after my junior year of high school
The depression altered drastically and it was becoming more and more difficult to function in daily life. At that point, I knew I had to ask for help. I began seeing a therapist and taking medication for anxiety and depression, but my symptoms continued to evolve. Shortly after beginning treatment, I started hearing, seeing, and feeling things and feeling like my thoughts didn’t always make sense. That August, at 17, I was diagnosed with depressive-type schizoaffective disorder and my life changed forever.There was no way of knowing for sure how things would turn out, but I wasn’t ready to give up just yet
It was rocky at first
At first, I resisted accepting the fact that things weren’t like they used to be. School had always come easily, and now I struggled because of the cognitive symptoms of schizoaffective disorder. I had always been skinny with no effort, but now I couldn’t control the weight gain caused by the medications. I was also a highly competitive high jumper, but now my speed and balance were so off from the weight gain that I couldn’t even come close to my record. It felt like schizoaffective disorder took everything from me, and I felt like I let everyone down, including myself. But I continued towards my goals unrelentingly.
A year later, I graduated from high school and moved from my hometown in northern California to Chicago to attend Northwestern University. While there, I studied psychology, focusing on clinical research. I struggled at first because of my new symptoms, but with some help I was able to get back on track. I went on to work in labs studying schizophrenia, and it gave me a unique perspective – not only did I know the scientific details of the illness, I also knew what it felt like to experience it.
I’ve lived with symptoms including extensive cognitive and disorganized symptoms; auditory, visual, and tactile hallucinations; negative symptoms; and, on rare occasions, delusions as well as the symptoms of depression. At first, they came in episodes, but over the years the pattern has changed. Now symptoms come sporadically when triggered by stress.
We call it a mental health variety pack
In addition to depression, OCD, and schizoaffective disorder, I also went through several months of anorexia in college. This was born out of the same need for control from which my OCD came. After college, I ended up in a relationship fraught with emotional abuse and sexual assault. It left me with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that follows me to this day.
Despite all of these obstacles, I was able to achieve my goals and find my dreams. After coming to terms with the fact that I couldn’t do everything the way others could in college, I was able to find ways to work around my deficits. While it was rarely easy, I was able to succeed. I graduated from Northwestern with honors in psychology, have held down jobs in multiple industries, made meaningful relationships, and have found fulfillment and purpose in mental health advocacy.
My recovery
It’s been difficult at times, but I work hard at my recovery. I take my medications religiously, see my psychiatrist regularly, and have built a strong support system of friends and family. I believe that the fact that I was treated immediately when my symptoms began has also played an important part in my success. I’ve been able to avoid hospitalization or the need for medical leave from school or work, but this doesn’t mean I’m any better than anyone else or even symptom-free. These days I still deal with cognitive and disorganized symptoms, as well as visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations and paranoia during times of high stress. And in 2022 I was also diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder, a mental illness involving extreme perfectionism among other symptoms. Learning how to overcome this is just one more challenge, but I am determined to face it head on.
Learning how to be okay with being different
It’s been difficult to overcome the shame, but I’m becoming more and more comfortable with the fact that I’m different, even compared to others who share my illnesses. Just because you’re not like the others doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, that you’re alone, or that your experiences aren’t valid. Everyone’s story is unique and meaningful in its own way. You don’t have to be exactly like someone to relate to them and share support.
In college, I spoke publicly about my disorders with the student group NU Active Minds and some classes. These days, I write and continue to speak as an Advocate with the nonprofit Students With Psychosis; as an Ambassador for the Chicago chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, speaking for companies, graduate classes, community members, and Crisis Intervention Training for the Cook County Sheriff and the Chicago Police Department; as well as speaking and writing independently.
I’m passionate about spreading education and awareness among those who don’t live with mental illnesses like schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. I want to use my unique combination of personal experience and academic knowledge to shatter preconceived notions, fight stigma, and help others see that a diagnosis doesn’t have to mean your life is over. There is so much more life to live. But in order to make a lasting change in the lives of those with these illnesses, we need to create a society that responds to these diseases with empathy and support. You don’t need a degree or license to help create change. You just need to be willing to listen.
If you would like to support and help me expand my advocacy efforts, please consider donating on my Patreon or MightyCause pages.
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